Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
