Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So squirting runs in the family.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
