i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
