she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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