listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
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