I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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