Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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