dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think my vagina is haunted
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
