She's JV to your varsity
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
