Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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