she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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