i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
