you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize