just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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