I cannot find my penis.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
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Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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