Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
