There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
