Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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