My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
