ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
