Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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