you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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