You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
