I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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