it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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