he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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