I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
