I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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