I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
