I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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