i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
