I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
