laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
