Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
