sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
