I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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