He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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