Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
