We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
