I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don't deserve a penis
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
