She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
