you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
