so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
