Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
