Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
