i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
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I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
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he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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