This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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