I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
