You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Your penis caused this!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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