Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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