did you get engaged???
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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