sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
