my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
is it fun? or sober?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
