Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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