well most of my day revolves around power hour
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
