omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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