I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
