If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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