My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
