So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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