I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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