Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
