just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
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Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
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I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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