We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Sorry about my life...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
