If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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