here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i dont even know how to be here
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
