Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
