Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
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Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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