turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
