Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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