It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
