it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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