Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
