Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
