Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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