saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
