when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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