She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
