I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
